Anger is Never the Right Way

Anger is Never the Right Way


By Rick Gostovich





Anger is never the right way

Sometimes when we are in the middle of correcting our child, or we are feeling
frustrated by some outside force, we can actually take our anger out on our
children.
It is imperative that you don’t do this because it can hurt your relationship with
your child and can hurt their self-confidence.

The next time you are feeling angry or frustrated with something and you
feel yourself giving into your anger and directing it at your child, I want you to try one
of the following.

Remove yourself from the situation:

One of the best things to do is toremove yourself before you begin yelling or lashing out.
Take a walk, leave the room, or ask someone, preferably your partner,
to step in and correct your child for you if you are unable to do so without being angry.

Talk to someone:

If you find that you are angry a lot of the time, there may be more to your frustrations
than just your child misbehaving. Take the time to talk to someone
about your problems and you may find that you’re not as angry.

Count to ten:

If may seem like such an old cliché, but it really does work. Before you correct your child,
take a deep breath and slowly count to ten. Usually that count will allow you to
calm down enough to deal with the situation with an even temper.

Think about why you’re angry:

Before you correct your child, think about why you are angry.
If it has nothing to do with the behavior, it may indicate to you that now is not the
right time to correct your child.
If you’re angry because you were scared by an action, you may want to
explain that to your child.
‘When you climbed up onto the roof, I felt very scared.’

Own the emotion:

It is okay to be angry from time to time, but it isn’t okay to lash out at your child.
However, when you are angry, make sure that you own that emotion.
It is okay to let your child know that you are angry,
but don’t place the blame for that anger on him.

Put yourself in your child’s shoes:

Before you direct your anger towards your child,
put yourself in their position.
How would you feel? Would you be scared? Angry?
If all the emotions that the thought conjures to mind are negative,
then this is not the right way to talk to your child.

Don’t forget yourself:

Many times anger can be alleviated simply by taking time to pamper yourself.
Don’t forget to set aside some time for you to do something.
It can be as simple as taking a bath and there are many ways to
pamper yourself without needing a baby sitter to do it.
If you find that this exercise doesn’t help you with managing your anger,
it may be time to phone a family support helpline to get help.

Let your child know that you still love him:

One problem with many punishments is that they tend to punish
the child and not the actual problem.What I mean by this is that children
believe that they are the ones being bad and not doing something bad.
It may be hard to understand the difference but when
you are correcting your child, you should avoid saying things like,
‘You are being bad right now,’ and say things like, ‘Your behavior is very
inappropriate right now,’ or ‘Hitting people is a bad thing to do.’
Your child is not bad but hitting is. When you do correct him,
make sure he knows you still love him, you just don’t love the behavior.

Make correction finite:

When you do correct your child, make sure that you keep the consequences limited.
They should have clear times, for example, a time out should only be for x amount of minutes
(x is usually one minute per year of age) and shouldn’t last forever.
If you take a toy away, it should again, be for x amount of time.
Correction should not drag on and on because the lesson is lost in the infinite.

Talk about things:

Although it may seem appropriate to simply walk away from the correction
and not discuss things, the time after a consequence is a good time to talk about things.
Reasons why it wasn’t a good to hit, or what they could have done instead.
Talking after the correction is a good way to provide closure for the incident
and it is important to encourage your child to talk about his feelings when you are talking.

Don’t hold a grudge:

Lastly, when the consequence is over, never hold the behavior over the child.
Continue on with life and don’t make them feel guilty after the fact.
Think of the time after the consequence as a fresh start and go from there.

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Thanks for reading,
Rick Gostovich
http://getkidstolisten.com/
_______________________________________________________________________________
http://www.findforextrading.com/