Anger is Never the Right Way
By Rick Gostovich
Anger is never the right way
Sometimes when we are in the middle of correcting our child, or we are feeling
frustrated by some outside force, we can actually take our anger out on our
children.
It is imperative that you don’t do this because it can hurt your relationship with
your child and can hurt their self-confidence.
The next time you are feeling angry or frustrated with something and you
feel yourself giving into your anger and directing it at your child, I want you to try one
of the following.
Remove yourself from the situation:
One of the best things to do is toremove yourself before you begin yelling or lashing out.
Take a walk, leave the room, or ask someone, preferably your partner,
to step in and correct your child for you if you are unable to do so without being angry.
Talk to someone:
If you find that you are angry a lot of the time, there may be more to your frustrations
than just your child misbehaving. Take the time to talk to someone
about your problems and you may find that you’re not as angry.
Count to ten:
If may seem like such an old cliché, but it really does work. Before you correct your child,
take a deep breath and slowly count to ten. Usually that count will allow you to
calm down enough to deal with the situation with an even temper.
Think about why you’re angry:
Before you correct your child, think about why you are angry.
If it has nothing to do with the behavior, it may indicate to you that now is not the
right time to correct your child.
If you’re angry because you were scared by an action, you may want to
explain that to your child.
‘When you climbed up onto the roof, I felt very scared.’
Own the emotion:
It is okay to be angry from time to time, but it isn’t okay to lash out at your child.
However, when you are angry, make sure that you own that emotion.
It is okay to let your child know that you are angry,
but don’t place the blame for that anger on him.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes:
Before you direct your anger towards your child,
put yourself in their position.
How would you feel? Would you be scared? Angry?
If all the emotions that the thought conjures to mind are negative,
then this is not the right way to talk to your child.
Don’t forget yourself:
Many times anger can be alleviated simply by taking time to pamper yourself.
Don’t forget to set aside some time for you to do something.
It can be as simple as taking a bath and there are many ways to
pamper yourself without needing a baby sitter to do it.
If you find that this exercise doesn’t help you with managing your anger,
it may be time to phone a family support helpline to get help.
Let your child know that you still love him:
One problem with many punishments is that they tend to punish
the child and not the actual problem.What I mean by this is that children
believe that they are the ones being bad and not doing something bad.
It may be hard to understand the difference but when
you are correcting your child, you should avoid saying things like,
‘You are being bad right now,’ and say things like, ‘Your behavior is very
inappropriate right now,’ or ‘Hitting people is a bad thing to do.’
Your child is not bad but hitting is. When you do correct him,
make sure he knows you still love him, you just don’t love the behavior.
Make correction finite:
When you do correct your child, make sure that you keep the consequences limited.
They should have clear times, for example, a time out should only be for x amount of minutes
(x is usually one minute per year of age) and shouldn’t last forever.
If you take a toy away, it should again, be for x amount of time.
Correction should not drag on and on because the lesson is lost in the infinite.
Talk about things:
Although it may seem appropriate to simply walk away from the correction
and not discuss things, the time after a consequence is a good time to talk about things.
Reasons why it wasn’t a good to hit, or what they could have done instead.
Talking after the correction is a good way to provide closure for the incident
and it is important to encourage your child to talk about his feelings when you are talking.
Don’t hold a grudge:
Lastly, when the consequence is over, never hold the behavior over the child.
Continue on with life and don’t make them feel guilty after the fact.
Think of the time after the consequence as a fresh start and go from there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When you buy the ebook, and hopefully you will. You also get several bonus features.
formost is "How to talk so kids will listen"
In addition to that most excellent ebook you will receive, "common childhood malidies"
and a really good piece of information on how to "keep your kids safe from internet preditors".
Last but not least by any means is statistical report on the benifits of music to your pre-natal baby.
There have been some extensive studies on the subject and some very cool findings.
Thanks for reading,
Rick Gostovich
http://getkidstolisten.com/
_______________________________________________________________________________
http://www.findforextrading.com/
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Keeping Your Kids Safe From Online Predators
How do you know if your child is in danger of encountering a perpetrator? Here are
some tell-tale signs you should spot:
• If your child starts to detach from the rest of the family. They don’t eat at the
dinner table or accompany the family on outings. They become detached from
school and other activities they used to enjoy.
• The child doesn’t talk to their family as much as they used to. When a sex
offender or perpetrator tries to lure them away, they’ll plant false images in the
child’s mind. The child in turn, creates a separation between themselves and their
families.
• Your child is suddenly getting gifts from someone you’ve never met or heard of.
This is another way the offender tries to separate the child from their family. The
offender will send things that the child likes in order to get their attention.
• The offender will make it seem like they are the only ones the like the child and
are looking out for their best interests. Some offenders will go as far as sending
them a plane ticket to meet them.
• If you happen to come in the room and your child abruptly changes to another
website or screen, there’s a chance they may be looking at something that they’re
not supposed to look at. If they’re looking at sexually charged content, they do
not want you to see it. They don’t want to suffer the consequences.
• In order to divert attention from their online account, you child will use someone
else’s account to access sexually charged content or connect with the sex
offender. They’ll either go to the library or a friend’s place to do this.
• Phone calls for your child will increase and they won’t be from their friends,
either. It will be from people that parents have never heard of or met. Or, they
can be long distance phone numbers that parents don’t know about.
Some perpetrators talk with the children to get them sexually aroused. This way,
they can get them in the mood to set up a date for a real sexual encounter.
• If parents find that their child spends a lot of time on the internet, this may be a
problem. It could definitely surface as a problem if the child is online during the
late evening hours when they should be sleeping.
• They’ll also stay online during the weekends. They’ll spend a lot of time in the
chat rooms. If they are home alone after school, this is a perfect set up for the
perpetrator.
They will either have the child call them back or they’ll get the child’s phone number
from the child themselves. Some perpetrators have even gone so far as to get a toll-free
number so the parents would think that it might be a company calling. This way, they
would be able to throw the parent off as to who is actually calling.
This is not good because there is no guidance or control during this time. While the
parents are working, the child has their way and is in free reign of the computer.
If they’re not focused on what they’re supposed to be doing, they can easily get
sidetracked with people trying to lure them for sexual encounters or they could get
hooked on pornography at a young age.
In order to get their young victims to open up, sex offenders may send the child
pornographic images. They try to instill in the child that those sexual relations between
children and adults is natural. Parents should be cognizant of what is on the computer. A
child may also copy the sexually explicit pictures on a disk to put away.
If parents have a suspicion that their child is headed for danger, there are some things
they can do before it gets worse:
Rick Gostovich
http://www.getkidstolisten.com
some tell-tale signs you should spot:
• If your child starts to detach from the rest of the family. They don’t eat at the
dinner table or accompany the family on outings. They become detached from
school and other activities they used to enjoy.
• The child doesn’t talk to their family as much as they used to. When a sex
offender or perpetrator tries to lure them away, they’ll plant false images in the
child’s mind. The child in turn, creates a separation between themselves and their
families.
• Your child is suddenly getting gifts from someone you’ve never met or heard of.
This is another way the offender tries to separate the child from their family. The
offender will send things that the child likes in order to get their attention.
• The offender will make it seem like they are the only ones the like the child and
are looking out for their best interests. Some offenders will go as far as sending
them a plane ticket to meet them.
• If you happen to come in the room and your child abruptly changes to another
website or screen, there’s a chance they may be looking at something that they’re
not supposed to look at. If they’re looking at sexually charged content, they do
not want you to see it. They don’t want to suffer the consequences.
• In order to divert attention from their online account, you child will use someone
else’s account to access sexually charged content or connect with the sex
offender. They’ll either go to the library or a friend’s place to do this.
• Phone calls for your child will increase and they won’t be from their friends,
either. It will be from people that parents have never heard of or met. Or, they
can be long distance phone numbers that parents don’t know about.
Some perpetrators talk with the children to get them sexually aroused. This way,
they can get them in the mood to set up a date for a real sexual encounter.
• If parents find that their child spends a lot of time on the internet, this may be a
problem. It could definitely surface as a problem if the child is online during the
late evening hours when they should be sleeping.
• They’ll also stay online during the weekends. They’ll spend a lot of time in the
chat rooms. If they are home alone after school, this is a perfect set up for the
perpetrator.
They will either have the child call them back or they’ll get the child’s phone number
from the child themselves. Some perpetrators have even gone so far as to get a toll-free
number so the parents would think that it might be a company calling. This way, they
would be able to throw the parent off as to who is actually calling.
This is not good because there is no guidance or control during this time. While the
parents are working, the child has their way and is in free reign of the computer.
If they’re not focused on what they’re supposed to be doing, they can easily get
sidetracked with people trying to lure them for sexual encounters or they could get
hooked on pornography at a young age.
In order to get their young victims to open up, sex offenders may send the child
pornographic images. They try to instill in the child that those sexual relations between
children and adults is natural. Parents should be cognizant of what is on the computer. A
child may also copy the sexually explicit pictures on a disk to put away.
If parents have a suspicion that their child is headed for danger, there are some things
they can do before it gets worse:
Rick Gostovich
http://www.getkidstolisten.com
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